| Its terrifying that with just one phrase one person could completely crumble your entire world. One person leaving your life and thats it, youre lost. Left wondering what youre going to do know, how you go back to before you had them. Is it even something you can do? You know that youll never be the same that the experiences you had have changed you for life. Why do we fall in love when it could be so life ruining? Is it really worth? Just to be loved? Why, our family and friends love us? Doesnt God love us as well? All these people love and care for us and yet we want more?! Its something Ive never understood, until now. The first time you fall in love its great isnt it?! Getting to know that person, wanting to spend every waking moment gazing into their eyes, feeling as if your feet never really touch the ground, youre so high on love that nothing could bring you down. Feeling loved is probably one of the best feelings in the world. Im not talking about your family because you always know that no matter how much you upset them or if you make a decision they dont agree you know that they love you. What I am talking about is that feeling that you have in the bottom of your stomach, a reassurance that there is someone out there who thinks about you, a calming yet exciting feeling, completeness in your soul, and fullness in your heart. Hearing that special ring tone for your special someone and your heart beating faster, its great. Loosing track of time because youre just sitting there thinking about them. But you know what sucks? With all those great things comes the wondering, do they love me I mean as much as I do? What if I..m more serious than they are? Am I good enough for them? Do they really want to be with me for life? Are they okay with me being the last person theyll ever kiss and make love too? These feelings nag and nag until you start getting upset with that person over nothing because of the insecurities that youve never experiences! Youve always been extremely confident some would say overly so, but now there are these doubts and stupid ideas. I mean they obviously care about you, there with you aren..t they? And you..re head totally knows it, but you annoying heart keeps bringing back all of your fears and doubts. Sometimes you wake up and cant sleep; you just sit there looking over at that person wondering. Do you feel trapped? Do you want to go but dont know how to tell me? Do you think weve done our best but that link, that, special bond between us isnt strong enough, or for that matter worth all the crap of a relationship! How can a person get a moments peace when their heart is confusing their head? Is it just best to keep all relationships at arms length? Nothing to serious or involved, just some fun times a few random dates that you never let go anywhere, brushing off interesting people for fear of getting hurt? Doesnt it suck that nothing can ever be black or white? Either you love them and they love you and its equal 50/50 no one gets hurt once youre together thats it, pure happiness. Or you go on a date and you just know, no freaking way! Ive come to a conclusion; I have finally made up my mind as to whether or not love is worth it. Ive decided that it is completely worth it. All the crap and insecurities, the wondering, the fights (big or small), the crap, the getting along, the stupid comments said out of anger or sleep deprivation, it is totally, completely, hands down, no doubt about it, so for sure, worth it! Because when you finally meet the person who causes all of that, youve found your person. When you have someone to fight with, make up with, hug, hold, who will hold you, love without holding back, scream at, bitch at, cry on their shoulder, tickle, laugh until you cry and your stomach hurts, wrestle with, steal the remote from, tease, cuddle with, sleep with, and just watch them, then you have that undoubted, uncontrollable love. And all those doubts are because you are begging God to never take that person from you. Asking him to let you die at the same time that they do so that your heart doesnt have to beat once without them. When you can look at them and fall in love with them all over again then you have accomplished something better than winning the Nobel Peace Prize, the lottery, playing in the super bowl, watching the Raiders lose, buying the perfect pair of shoes, becoming president, and even walking on the moon, you have found the person who you will never forget, never stop loving, and who completes you. |
